He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
