i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
