The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
