I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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