I'm gonna have a badass scar
so explain again why im purple
no
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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