Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
