So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
