there's paper in my vomit.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
