Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Four minutes until I can fart!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
