I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
