I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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