Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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