if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
