fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it's like iHOP with fire
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
