I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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