In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
