I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
