I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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