She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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