I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
