So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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