Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
