It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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