I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
