im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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