she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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