My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
