Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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