Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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