Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
