I bet he comes in French.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
