My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There's always time for handjobs
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
