Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize