You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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