You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
