My room smells like vodka and shame
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
