You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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