Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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