Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
