One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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