Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
