The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
