another moral hangover. fuck.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
