Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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