And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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