p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
