why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
