her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize