I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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