You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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