Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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