My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
