I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
