I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
