God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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