3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
