I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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