I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
