Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
