Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
