so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
