We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You were trust falling into bushes
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
