Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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