Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
