You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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