i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
